Tired and Hungover

Yesterday was weird… I felt like so much garbage and then I didn’t and then I did again. After work I saw a friend.  Got some food and drank a lot of wine.  I didn’t get to bed until 2:00am.  My brain feels fuzzy and it’s hard to keep my eyes open. BUT I made […]

Today, I hate myself.

The title speaks for itself. I have dark thoughts of everything.  I can’t shake this feeling of being sad.  I feel scared of everything.  Every time I feel like I am making some progress, something sets me back.  I have never felt so scared of every goddam little thing. AND I hate everyone else too… […]

A weekend of Family Drama

The weekend started out weird.  Well it started out as a semi guilt spiral of shame. Important Background Info:  I started seeing someone in January.  He lives in New York and when we see each other he usually comes to PA to visit for a weekend.  Its kind of nice because I’m not really “ready” […]

Lost things…

I used to read a lot.  Like many things in my life, I feel like I lost that.  My self identity was a “reader”.  It’s not glamorous but it was my thing.  Since November I may have finished one book.  Going from finishing a book every two days to finishing a book in 4 months, […]

The “G” Word

So its been a while since I wrote anything.  I kind of don’t care… I went into a dark place in February.  So I started seeing a therapist but the ones that can prescribe drugs.  She put me on Pristiq.  Its been helping actually but the side effects are weird. Side effects include:   increased […]

The Beginning of the End?

Truth be told, there was no beginning of the end.  Our relationship was flawed but it was manageably flawed.  That is, until the miscarriage. Some background before getting into that big issue:  My ex and I met in college.  He was always very adamant about not wanting children… ever.  At the time, so was I.  […]

Valentines Day

Technically it was yesterday but who cares. I did a bad thing… a very stupid bad thing. So on my way home from work I needed to stop for gas. I took the exit off the parkway toward Edgewood, not really thinking too much about it. After I gassed up it kinda hit me. This […]